Wanting More

I have not been writing my thoughts down at all recently. For some reason, yesterday, I read some random dev’s substack post about “just putting your thoughts out there every single day” and it kind of revived this fickle motivational flame that comes and goes 50 times a year. There’s no telling if my habit will last until even the following day, after all, it took me 6 years to come back to this blog.

The concept of motivation is not exactly novel, way too many smart people and famous bloggers have written it to death over the years; and so I am not pretending to offer fresh insight, just a personal perspective of sorts. For me, the tried and true method of JustDoTheThingEverySingleDay has worked miracles. I’m well on my way to mastering my 4th and 5th languages, Gains at the Gym have been quite steady and substantial, and even though I still draw like a 5 year old on a good day, just the fact of being able to recognize shapes and somewhat transcribe them in 3D on paper is a meditative experience in and of itself.

The Bad

On the flip side, my brain has not been very kind to me as it relates to impostor syndrome and Adult ADHD-fueled procrastination. My daily struggle against brainless consumption of Video Streamed content has been a massive failure: no amount of “Catching myself” or “putting limiters” has been productive. I don’t believe that making yourself miserable on a daily basis will ever result in longterm victories over my conditions.

On a fundamental level, I still do not understand what motivates me to work hard every day, the passion, career that will keep me up at night and carry me through a tough patch to reap the crops I’ve sown earlier. The kind of introspection required to achieve this is beyond me as it stands; perhaps a proper meditative practice over a long period of time could yield results, but the condition itself turns this whole situation into a catch 22.

An Idea

For the next month or so, I will pick a random occurance in my daily hobbies, something like a verbal reasoning exercise for the GMAT, and spend 10 minutes doing a web research on that, which will then turn into my daily post for this blog.

This might be the dumbest idea ever, which makes it a perfect candidate for me to stick to the plan and have fun with it.